We know the game. We have all played it as kids. “he followed me home can I keep him”? “ You said I could when I was older and that was a month ago”. Emotional manipulation comes to us at an early age. It is one of the first “tools” of interpersonal negotiations we learn, however negative and bad it may actually be. The innocent emotional manipulations develop into peer pressure and even coercion. “ All the others are doing it .... don’t be a chicken” or “come on baby if you love me you’ll do it” Somewhere along the line we should be taught either consciously or by hard life lessons that this kind of manipulation is destructive and wrong. This is not however always the case. In fact some parents pattern it to their offspring as a way of survival and advantage in life. It becomes ingrained.
The goal of this kind of manipulation is of corse to get what ever it is they are wanting / needing. What it does is trample over a very important boundary. The right and ability to say “no” to any request. All persons have the right to say no to ANYTHING as long as they are wiling to accept the consequences. Saying no to an authority has real consequence. telling a judge, or police officer is likely to get harsh consequences. Im most cases however, telling a person no should carry no fear or consequence. Sure, telling a child no has only the consequence of an angry, disappointed or fit throwing child, but that is part of the parenting job. Real adults have the right and privilege to say “no” with out fear of loosing their partner or dealing with anger or derision or score. But that is what the emotional manipulation depends on, playing the Asshole card.
Playing the Asshole is a time “honored” game in which one person places the other in the position of being or feeling like an Asshole.
“Oh can you get this ...I got lunch last time” ( some how subway doesn't compare to stake and lobster but fearing being the ungrateful Asshole) “ Yea, sure”
playing the Asshole is a way of covertly defying boundaries of another. It is manipulation and so not ok. “ He/ She made me the Asshole and violated my trust”
TIME TO EAT THE LAMMA
If you pick up the ball and play the Asshole game, you violated your own boundary. I’ll say this plainly . BE THE FUCKING ASSHOLE. Don’t play the game. In fact call the other out on the game.
If you are a ”yes Man / Woman” and can’t help playing this game then guess what.... that’s right it is on you. Accept responsibility and follow through. Get help and stop violating your own boundaries.
If you pick up the ball and play the Asshole game, you violated your own boundary. I’ll say this plainly . BE THE FUCKING ASSHOLE. Don’t play the game. In fact call the other out on the game.
If you are a ”yes Man / Woman” and can’t help playing this game then guess what.... that’s right it is on you. Accept responsibility and follow through. Get help and stop violating your own boundaries.
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