Boundaries , games and being the Asshole

We know the game. We have all played it as kids. “he followed me home can I keep him”? “ You said I could when I was older and that was a month ago”.  Emotional manipulation comes to us at an early age. It is one of the first “tools” of interpersonal negotiations we learn, however  negative and bad it may actually be.  The innocent emotional manipulations develop into peer pressure and even coercion.  “ All the others are doing it .... don’t be a chicken” or “come on baby if you love me you’ll do it”  Somewhere along the line we should be taught either consciously or by hard life lessons that this kind of manipulation is destructive and wrong. This is not however always the case. In fact some parents pattern it to their offspring as a way of survival and advantage in life. It becomes ingrained. 

The goal of this kind of manipulation is of corse to get what ever it is they are wanting / needing. What it does is trample over a very important boundary. The right and ability to say “no” to any request. All persons have the right to say no to ANYTHING as long as they are wiling to accept the consequences. Saying no to an authority has real consequence. telling a judge, or police officer is likely to get harsh consequences. Im most cases however, telling a person no should carry no fear or consequence. Sure, telling a child no  has only the consequence of an angry, disappointed or fit throwing child, but that is part of the parenting job. Real adults have the right and privilege to say “no” with out fear of loosing their partner or dealing with anger or derision or score.  But that is what the emotional manipulation depends on, playing the Asshole card. 

Playing the Asshole  is a time “honored” game in which one person places the other in the position of being or feeling like an Asshole. 

“Oh can you get this ...I got lunch last time” ( some how subway doesn't compare to stake and lobster but fearing being the ungrateful Asshole) “ Yea, sure”    

playing the Asshole is a way of covertly defying boundaries of another. It is manipulation and so not ok. “ He/ She made me the Asshole and violated my trust” 

TIME TO EAT THE LAMMA

If you pick up the ball and play the Asshole game, you violated your own boundary.  I’ll say this plainly . BE THE FUCKING ASSHOLE. Don’t play the game. In fact call the other out on the game. 
If you are a ”yes Man / Woman”  and can’t help playing this game then guess what.... that’s right it is on you. Accept responsibility and follow through. Get help and stop violating your own boundaries. 

Blackface isn't dead it is just in drag

I was recently made aware of a "comic"  Named Charles F Kipp's and his drag character Shirley Q Liquor . Mr Kipp dresses in a large Moomoo dress dons blackface make up and proceeds  to act out the worst African American stereotypes. To get an idea of what this act is like take Tyler Perry's Media and remove all the real word play, situational comedy and originality.  Or watch this and judge for your self. It is painful to watch on many levels but hiding from this social train wreak of a racist act is to be complicit in it. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=By3iWZ0CRGs or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-O4BbMisj6s

As a Anglo of Scott , German, Irish, and Cherokee decent who grew up in Dallas Tx, I see blackface in the same light as jim crow laws and cross burning . It is a method of keeping  African Americans stereotyped as “less than” and dehumanizes them. In order to oppress a people or even eliminate them you must first see them as less than self. 

Charles F Kipp's work is racially insulting, insensitive and in its negative stereotyping of African Americans in the form of this Shirley Q Liquor ranks up there with Julius Streicher’s Der Stürmer  Nazi propaganda   the jews. He may mistakenly feel entitled by way of being in an oppressed group ( drag, gay, and libertarian) to stand outside of the bounds of normal social ethics.   A sentiment echoed  by RuPauls defence of Kipp’s act in saying “Critics who think that Shirley Q. Liquor is offensive are idiots. Listen, I've been discriminated against by everybody in the world: gay people, black people, whatever. I know discrimination, I know racism, I know it very intimately. She's not racist, and if she were, she wouldn't be on my new CD”  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Knipp  So being a member of an oppressed community or several places you above being the oppressor?  No, absolutely not. Just because you have been oppressed does not give you the moral license to violate others by depicting damaging stereotypes in offensive ways NO MATTER YOUR INTENT.  Engaging in racism to end racism is akin to fucking to regain virginity. 

AS to Mr Kipp’s body of work.... I have watched this man preform his "act" via youtube and find there is not enough bleach to cleanse my minds eye of it. There are no redeeming comedic qualities to it.
The Shirley Q Liquor character is an embodiment of every negative stereotype assigned to lower income African americans. It seems a dollar store knock off of Tyler Perry's Media character. Yet, there are non of the things that makes the Media character  work as a real person. As for comedy, it has no word play, or situational comedy, or anything else to laugh at but disgusting idiosyncrasies and negative stereotypes presented about African Americans.  It shows African Americans as inferior in intellect, hygiene, industry,  and vocabulary among countless other ways.  That makes it racist.
The Betty Butterfield character is the same but Anglo in sunglasses and horrid lip stick. It seems a direct knock off of the Landover Baptist satire character Betty Bowers, America’s Best Christian.  Found here: http://www.bettybowers.com/  but again with no redeeming comic qualities but to hold that stereotype up to ridicule. It is unoriginal, arguably plagiarized, freudenschade, Shit.  

TIME TO EAT THE LAMA

The reason this man can and dose do this horrible act of racism , besides a skewed sence of entitlement to oppression and truly lacking a sense of humor, is because WE the community not only condone it but endorse it through our silence. We Allow this evil to exist because we do not speak up against it. Just as a majority of whites pre civil rights moment just accepted that "that is the way it's always been" as an excuse for apathy for the unequal treatment of African Americans.... We look past the right or wrong of a thing  and excuse inaction with freedom of speech and move on.  Inaction condones behavior.  WE CAN AND MUST DO BETTER.    

Unwritten rules

So you were pissed that I broke an unwritten rule of your online group. Then instead of informing me privately of my transgression and telling others on the group that it is being handled  you hold me up to public ridicule..... UNWRITTEN RULES ARE FOR THE PTA,  DEBUTANTES BALL, AND SOME CHURCHES.  

If the rule was as important to the safety of the group as you claim then take proper measures to prevent it from being broken. Lock that feature to admin only. Personally I EXPECTED THE REQUEST TO GO THROUGH THE ADMINS. As it didn’t and no one bothered to place the rules in the description of the group or in a sticky note on the first page... DO NOT JUMP MY SHIT FOR BREAKING IT. Seriously take some responsibility for the group you run. Should I have been a bit more thoughtful? Yes, I could have not assumed that the admins were checking all requests before they were auto granted?  Do I understand that there are privacy issues and that a breech of those could bring consequence  to some members of the board? Absolutely, that is why I assumed such a serious thing was being granted after admin approval. 

TIME TO EAT THE LAMA

All of this is why I apologized in the first place. Given the shit storm, I take it that it is past simple apologies. For the sake of those who need the group I chose to leave it. 

In the end I have enough places to discuss the topics like on this group. This is the only outlet for many of the group members. Logic dictates that I step aside and insure the “safety” of the group for those who only have this one outlet.   Mostly though, I have more than enough REAL drama to put up with internet bull  shit.